Maybe just a little reservation

Obviously, I've been taking a little timeout from following the chronological order of my mishaps and meditations over here in the land of Siam and sex-pats (disgusting sons a bitches), so in keeping with that spirit I thought I'd tell you a little about what I've been stuffing my face with in these past two weeks. Inspired by my dear friend Joanna's love affair (and now my love affair) with Anthony Bourdain's show No Reservations, I made sure to place myself as far away from the creature comforts that most farang (Caucasian tourists) enjoy when visiting Chiang Mai (actually I had no idea that my guest house's location within the city would be similar to that of Chiefland's to Gainesville). That being said, the restaurants and food stalls in my section of town offer a much more regional flavor; a much more authentic Thai flavor, if you will. And I would. While the touristy areas do have their share of local cuisine, they are cushioned by such global favorites as McDonald's, Burgerking, Starbucks, Duke's (which I'd never heard of), and KFC. Thankfully, I have no such luxuries. Here's just a sample of some of the local menus that I've been ordering from, specifically Lek's Corner which is the establishment I frequent the most:

Popular appetizers include:

Fried peanuts and cashews
French fries (the only familiar item, and they taste a lot like GyroPlus'...pretty effin good)
Chicken Sinew
Fried Tendons (animal not specified)
Hot or Cold meat, Chinese style (again, animal not specified)
Fried Meat Beef (verbatim)
Fried Ball of Fish or Squid
Garlic Fried Frog
1000 yeares egg w/salad (not a typo on my part)

Now some entrees:

Tom-yum soup with flog
Tom-yum soup with all seafood (apparently every type of seafood is included)
Sour soup with snakefish
Hot and sour dried fish salad (the fish is hardly ever identified, so I just assume or hope that it's either catfish or seabass)
White jilly mushroom salad
Assorted seafood salad
Fried cocktail salad
Tub-tim fish
Fried omelet with pickled sausage (they fuckin love sausage over here)
Fried jungle pork
Fried 8 kinds of meat with vegetable (again, verbatim)
Shrimp fish mew with egg
Boiled in galingale root (exactly what is boiled in said root is not specified)

If this post sounds in any way condescending, then I apologize because that was not my intention. In fact, I've tried several of these menu items, and many of them are quite delicious, those that I could keep down. These dishes might sound awful, but that's certainly more due to the fact that these people take great pains in attempting to translate their menus for us English-speaking, self-righteous bastards. And hey, if I really need some American food I can always stop by one of the 30 or so 711's in the two blocks between Lek's and my place and pick up some shrimp-flavored Pringles or a bag of seafood chili-paste Combos. But I think I'll stick with my 1000-yeare old egg with salad.