Culture Lesson at the C.A.P.

After finishing breakfast, I was eager to explore the city a little while I still had a few coffee fumes left in me. The night before I left the States I had talked to Noland on the phone and he told me what I should do and expect on my first day. He said it would be a good idea to go ahead and buy a phone, so as to make cheaper calls, and that the best place to do that would be the mall, and after that I should get a Thai massage and call it a day. Now, I'm certainly not the biggest fan of a trip to the mall, and I certainly wasn't in the mindset to go to a mall inChiang Mai, surrounded by Thai urban and pop culture in its most intensely concentrated form. Not when I could barely keep my eyes open. But I certainly didn't have anything better to do, since I had forbidden myself to sleep.

I asked Berm how to get to the mall, and where I could get a massage. He pulled out a half-ass map that didn't even list street names, and his directions instilled no confidence. I was not deterred, in fact the potential to get lost only added to my excitement. So, I hopped on my borrowed bicycle that I'm sure most of you have seen me almost crash, with my little backpack strapped tight and headed out onto the streets.

Right away, I knew something was wrong. I had forgotten that Thailand was one of those wacky, left-side-driving countries. After shakily correcting my mistake of riding into oncoming traffic, I headed onward. Berm's directions essentially took me back the same route we took from the airport, so it was pretty difficult for me to get lost, but somehow I managed. Riding through town, as dazed as I was from air-travel, I couldn't really take in the sights as much as I hoped (I just remember hundreds of billboards, and scooters, and massage parlors, and 7-11's, andtuk-tuk's , and dogs! Stray dogs are fucking everywhere! More on that later). But I did take in the smells. Man do the municipalities of Thailand stink. Although the air pollution is bad, I don't think it's wholly to blame for the incredible stenches that wait around every corner. Thailand's sewage system seems to be completely neglected. It's as if the city began digging sewage tunnels and gave up after about 2 or 3 feet, because walking down any given sidewalk, you are literally walking directly on top of raw sewage. They've even cut little slits in the pavement every few feet, so that you can see what you're smelling. Anyhow, I made a point to look into the drainage situation at some point just to see where all this shit is flowing, although I gathered that a lot of it was flowing directly into that moat surrounding Old Town that I mentioned earlier.

I finally made it to my destination after about a 3 mile trek on a bike with shitty gears and squeaky brakes through hellacious traffic, only to realize that in true Scott Saier-fashion I'd forgotten my bike lock. Without even pausing to berate myself, I made the ride back to Santitham and grabbed the lock, then biked my ass back to the mall. I was too tired and confused to make any alternate plans. The Chiang Mai mall is a massive, 5-story building called Central Airport Plaza. Noland told me that all electronics stores were on the 3rd floor, and that was where I'd find my new Thai cell-phone.

As I made my way to the elevators, I confirmed what I had only sensed on my bike-rides to the C.A.P.: I was getting some stares, and not necessarily friendly ones, if there is such a thing. Before I even left the States, having talked to people who had traveled in Asia, I knew I was going to garner some strange looks, if not for my tallness or the shape of my eyes, then for my obscure American clothes or my unkempt facial-hair. I certainly didn't expect to be treated as the second coming of the King, but shit, this was the Land of Smiles! I wanted to see some happy fucking faces, no matter how sheepish. I sure as shit didn't expect the demeanor I was receiving at the mall that day. I felt like shitty-Smitty at a wine and cheese party, or an Obama rally, bless his red neck. The general mien of the crowd bordered on antipathy, if not only blatant indifference. It would take several more days of interaction with the denizens of Chiang Mai and its neighboring provinces before I realized that this was not rudeness en masse , in fact it was far from it. I was beholding a collective pride of a people who, for over eight centuries, have never been colonized or consumed by foreign influence, all while Western imperialism has raked the rest of the world, including their southeast Asian neighbors. Sure they've adopted some of our customs, like fashion and food, but not nearly at the rate that we've acquired theirs. In a town of 1.6 million people, there is one McDonald's, one Burger-King, and a very small handful of Starbucks, maybe three or four. These people were looking at me with faces that told me we were equals, and that I was not blessing them with my American airs. I would soon find out that Thais truly are a laid-back, good-natured people who lavish their hospitality if you show just the slightest interest in them, and that the awkwardness I experienced in those initial stares at the mall that first day were most certainly due to the fact that I was staring my damn self, and not smiling. Probably trying to look cool, and instead looking like an asshole. But to my credit, I felt like a damn zombie.

After my lesson in countenance, I was completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of cellphones for sale on the 3rd floor. Some were new, but most were used, ranging from Baht 800-10,000 (f.y.i.-I think the current exchange rate is USD 1-Baht 33.33, or some shit). After browsing for a short while, I lost interest and decided to treat myself to a Thai massage, then head home to bed. On my way out of the C.A.P., I noticed that 711 wasn't the only floundering American business to find new life in Thailand. I passed a few prehistoric faves like Sizzler, and Swenson's, and a very elegant looking Pizza Hut. I left the mall with a chuckle, and headed to the Old Medicine Hospital.