Make Mine Choo-Choo

I've experienced about all the transportation Thailand has to offer. From the soi-ways of Chiang Mai to the shore-ways of Samui, I've white-knuckled 'em all. Been tossed around on a tuk-tuk, and found religion on an airplane. I've gone cross-country in a car, mosied up-river in a scopion-tail, got sun-burnt and beer-drunk on a ferry-boat, pooped on a bus, and t-boned on a bicycle. Sheeit, I even crashed a scooter (I even got that one on film). But at the end of the day, my absolute favorite mode of traversing A to B has got to be through the Royal State Railway of Siam. There is no more comfortable, affordable, or scenic way to get around Thailand.

Other than my flight into Thailand, I've flown twice since arriving here, on my way to and from Samui the week of my birthday. And if I can help it, I won't step foot on another plane until I leave this country. The pilots are adept enough in the air, but they land their planes with the deftness of a bumper-car. It's also expensive as hell, at least as far as the Baht goes.

I just recently took a VIP bus up from Surat to BKK, and then over to the Killing Fields of Cambodia and back again. The bus is ok for short day trips of four to six hours, but becomes a little intolerable at night, especially for us tall folk. When I first saw one of these cross-country buses I was floored. These buses are behemoths standing at an easy 15-20 feet. They look like double-deckers, but passengers only sit on the top floor. I'm not sure what goes on in the bottom-half, other than a small room for the toilet. Maybe crew quarters? There are two seats at the very front right of the bus that provide ample leg room and a panoramic view of the road ahead, and though I did snag one of these seats, like a damn fool gentleman I gave it up to two lovely Thai girls who knew exactly how to bat their eyelashes at me. The bus isn't awful, but at the same price for a 2nd class sleeper on a train, I'm going with the train.

If I had my druthers, I would love to have an car for the remainder of my stay here, if only for cross-country trips. As it stands, I never again want to sit in the passenger seat of another Thai automobile. Fuck the Autobahn, the Thais have rewritten the book on no-holds-barred, balls-to-the-wall driving. I've taken two trips outside of the city in a car: one to the Burmese border in a small hatch-back with a hired driver, and the other with my friend Nung on an eight-hour trek to BKK. The speedometer never dipped below 120 km/h on either trip, unless we were pulling over that is, and that includes going over hills and around mountain curves, Buddha bless any pedestrian or chicken that got in our way. And I don't blame them. If I were driving, with absolutely no fear of being pulled over, you're damn right I'm bringing the lead-foot. So, it's probably a good thing that I won't be driving a car of my own over here. For the chickens. I do however have a motor-scooter that I swapped my friend Jaeb a brand-new bicycle for a few weeks ago, but that's only good for day excursions to the surrounding countryside.

So, other than the occasional ferry ride to the outlying islands, those are the primary forms of transportation for getting across Thailand. And they don't hold a candle to RSRS. There's nothing like falling asleep after decent meal and a few beers in the dining-car, in your very own cozy, little curtained bed to the comforting clickity-clack of the tracks beneath you. And it's so economical. I can traverse a couple thousand miles for under 1000 Baht ($30), and arrive rested and refreshed and ready to face whatever hell Thai urban transportation has waiting for me. And I haven't even tried 1st class yet. I'll be sure to let you know how that goes come March.