Random Thai Nuggets

The Thai people don’t refrigerate their eggs. In the household they sit right out on the counter with the fruit and the bread, and in the supermarket you can find them in any dry goods aisle.

From what I can tell, there are only seven beers served regularly in Thailand, and when I say regularly I mean these are the only beers I’ve seen in all the 7-11’s, liquor stores, grocery stores, bars/restaurants, beaches, trains or ferries I’ve been in or on. These beers are Singha, Chang, Leo, Tiger, Cheers, San Miguel and Heineken. Leo is by far my favorite, as it is the most economical choice at around 37 Baht for 32 oz., and it doesn’t sacrifice quality, what little of it there is in Thai beer. Singha tastes much like Leo (they all taste much the same, actually), but it costs about 10 or 12 extra baht. Tiger and San Miguel are more uncommon than the others, so I know very little about them except that San Miguel tastes a lot like Miller Lite. Chang, probably the most popular beer in Thailand, is quite possibly the worst, due to the fact that it tastes like formaldehyde…maybe because it’s made with formaldehyde. No, seriously.

As you may have seen in some of my pics, there are portraits of the King and Queen everywhere in Thailand, in all shapes, sizes, and styles. Every residence, business, hospital, school, venue, and of course government building has at least one picture of His Majesty on display, whether it be a tattered photo in a cracked frame in some dingy pool hall or greasy bike-shop, or a 20-foot gilded painting overlooking the plaza of Bangkok’s train-station, or just a modest photograph of the royal family hanging in the living-room. His regal visage graces bill-boards, building facades, street-signs, and murals on just about every corner of every main thoroughfare. You cannot escape his ubiquitous gaze. An example of how omnipresent his face actually is: I was on a scorpion-tail boat, cruising up the Mae Ping River, on my way to a local farm to spend the day harvesting fruit and vegetables (and to slaughter a pig). The boat picked me up from the Nawarat Bridge, very much near the center of the city, so for the first hour of the two-and-a-half hour boat ride, there was still quite a bit of urban presence on both banks of the river. As the commercial districts, and then residential districts, gradually gave way to farmland, the 21st century seemed to evaporate. There was hardly any hint of civilization anywhere for miles around. We had almost reached the farmhouse after rounding a large bend in the river, when out of nowhere appeared a huge painted sign, the size of two American bill-boards, with the King’s profile on it. It plainly said,”You may have left civilization, but here's a not-so-subtle reminder that you’re still in my mother-fuckin kingdom, sucka.”

Speaking of His Highness, certain days of the week have a designated color-coded shirt assigned to it; designed to show to society how much you love the King. It is not mandatory to wear these shirts in public, though it is strongly recommended that teachers and government employees do so. The shirts are standard polo-shirts, with the royal emblem over the left breast. On Monday, you wear a yellow shirt to honor the King’s birthday, which was on a Monday. Tuesday is "good health" day, and pink shirts are worn to wish good health upon everyone in the kingdom, but especially the King (I’m not sure of the specific origins of this day, and why the color pink was chosen, but Tuesdays in Thailand would make LJ very happy). And on Friday (I think, maybe it’s Thursday) you’re supposed to wear blue to honor the Queen’s birthday. Sometimes random-ass shit will happen, like the King will sign a very important treaty or something, and you’ll be asked to wear purple, or some shit. Just yesterday, they cremated the King’s sister (who died in July), and everyone wore black to school. It is effing hot here. There was some sweat poured.

Now, a little about Thai wildlife:

The snails in Thailand are like lightning in a shell. These are some fast fucking mollusks! One of my first nights in CM, I was out on my patio drinking a beer and I set the bottle down at my feet. Not a minute later, I grabbed the bottle and brought it up to my lips. I just about swallowed my tongue when I saw the largest snail I’ve ever seen, outside of my dreams, perched on the rim of the beer. Now, that sucker either fell directly on the lip of the bottle and had the dexterity to suck onto it (which I think I would’ve witnessed or at least heard), or it crawled up with a quickness the likes of which have never been seen in a Gastropod. (There’s a pic of said snail on my face book).

The bats in Thailand are straight out of the Temple of Doom. Remember when Kate Capshaw, sitting atop her elephant on their way to Pankot Palace, pointed to the sky and said, “Oooh! What big birds!” And Indiana Jones replies, “Those aren’t big birds, sweetheart. They’re giant, vampire bats.” Yeah. That’s what I’m dealing with.

In Chiang Mai, the most popular sport is not football (soccer). No, it’s beetle-fighting. I found this out when I was walking through Old Town and I saw a man behind a cart that had several strips of paper hanging from a wire. The paper was covered with sugar-cane juice, and slurping away on each piece was a gigantic, rhinoceros, stag beetle. The man pleaded with me to purchase one of his beetles, and I declined thinking that they were being sold as a snack. Later that week I read in the The Nation (Thailand’s English newspaper) an article on beetle-fighting, and I high-tailed my way back to the vendor to purchase my future champ. Beetle-fighting involves placing a female beetle within a hollowed-out piece of bamboo or wood, and then placing two male beetles on top, who are driven into a frenzy by the female’s scent and a beetle-battle shortly ensues. The beetles look to be about 3 or 4 inches long, with large horns on their heads (some with as many as five). I’ve witnessed a few fights, and the bets usually go for about 100 baht a round. While I didn’t get a chance to fight my beetle (his name’s Sid), I let him loose in the canopied courtyard of Santitham, so hopefully he’ll still be there when I go back come Christmas time.

That’s all for now. More nuggets later, and more about my first weeks in CM, my B-day week in Koh Tao (whalesharks!), and my new job down in Surat.