Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Fundamentals...better than mavericks
I hope everybody watched the fundamentally important second Presidential debate tonight. It touched on the fundamental issues central to this election and the next four years, and Obama fundamentally kicked McCain's ass. His fundamentals were more sound and fundamentally on point, and in case you didn't notice the fundamentally squiggly lines that gauged the viewers reactions, Obama's reactions were fundamentally higher than those of "that other one", in fact McCain's squiggly lines weren't squiggly at all. They reminded me of his fundamental heart rate if he wins the election: a fundamental flat-line. And we know what that means: 4 years of President Palin. It's all about fundamentals. They're so fun!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Chiang Mai Traffic
Before leaving the airport, before even getting in the car, I took in a hearty breath of what I expected to be Buddha-blessed fresh Chiang Mai air, after coughing out the toxic stew I'd inhaled in my brief stay at the nation's capital of course. However, my nostrils were greeted with the same polluted perfume as that of Bangkok. And I was soon to find out why.
The traffic in Chiang Mai is crazier than a snake's armpit. And I'm sure it's the same all over Thailand. Finally, a country I can relate to in terms of transportation; I'm sure you're all aware of my disregard for traffic law. As Berm drove me to Santitham Guest House, the first thing I noticed is that there were scooters fucking EVERYWHERE! There are about twenty to thirty scooters to every car in Thailand. Beyond those, there are several three-wheeled open-air tuk-tuks and sawngthaews, red covered pick-up trucks that act as the primary taxi service in town. These are both un-metered, leaving the fare up to the discretion of the driver. Most of my rides have cost me between 40 and 100 baht, or no more than three USD's. A lot of people hitch-hike when travelling to sections outside the city limits, offering only food or cigarettes as payment, although I have yet to try this. There are also a small handful of metered-taxis, called thaeksii miitoe, which are relatively new to Thailand, but I haven't tried any of these opting instead to bargain with the tuk-tuk and sawngthaew drivers who take me for a thin-skinned farang. But for the most part I've just used a bicycle that I've borrowed from Noland, the owner of Santitham who is still over in the States. My most used Thai expression is mai, or mai cab, which means no cab. It's saved me a lot of money and hassle.
As we entered the insane flow of traffic, I noticed there were many traffic-lights and signs but almost all are ignored, as is the right of way at intersections and oncoming traffic. Thais don't give two shits about driving on the wrong side of the road. Despite all this, I have yet to see one traffic accident in the two weeks I've been here. Incredible.
About halfway to Santitham, towards the middle of Chiang Mai, is a square section of city called Old Town; about two miles long on each side and surrounded by a dilapidated brick wall and a murky-ass moat which were built some 600 years ago to keep the Burmese out. I would spend much of my time in Chiang Mai hanging out within this walled square, not counting my excursions outside of the city.
Back to the traffic. I have no idea where all these people were going, but there weren't nothing gonna stop em. There's about 1.6 million people residing in Chiang Mai, and about 1.5 million of them are driving at all times, day or night. And back to the scooters, I mean Christ on a scooter I can't get over them! I've seen maybe three helmets since I've been here, and some of these people drive their entire families around on one scooter; we're talking three or four heads deep! And apparently the only function of the traffic police in this country is to distribute wheel-boots to whoever parks in front of a temple or 7-11, of which there are thousands of both, but I'll get to that in a later post.
After an eye-opening and nostril-soiling drive to my guest house, which is in a very un-touristy part of town, of which I am thankful, Berm and I unpacked my bags and headed inside. More about my Santitham and the rest of my first days in Chiang Mai next post.
On a side-note, I know I've posted very little about my time in Chiang Mai, but Berm just came to my house to inform me that his monk friend from Wat Doi Suthep, the mountainside monastery, would be coming down into town tomorrow to pick up some cement, and that I would be joining him on his trip back to begin my first english lesson. I should be up there at least a couple of days, so I'll try and finish as many posts tonight as possible. Kinda nervous about the solitude, but at least I'll fuckin learn how to levitate!
The traffic in Chiang Mai is crazier than a snake's armpit. And I'm sure it's the same all over Thailand. Finally, a country I can relate to in terms of transportation; I'm sure you're all aware of my disregard for traffic law. As Berm drove me to Santitham Guest House, the first thing I noticed is that there were scooters fucking EVERYWHERE! There are about twenty to thirty scooters to every car in Thailand. Beyond those, there are several three-wheeled open-air tuk-tuks and sawngthaews, red covered pick-up trucks that act as the primary taxi service in town. These are both un-metered, leaving the fare up to the discretion of the driver. Most of my rides have cost me between 40 and 100 baht, or no more than three USD's. A lot of people hitch-hike when travelling to sections outside the city limits, offering only food or cigarettes as payment, although I have yet to try this. There are also a small handful of metered-taxis, called thaeksii miitoe, which are relatively new to Thailand, but I haven't tried any of these opting instead to bargain with the tuk-tuk and sawngthaew drivers who take me for a thin-skinned farang. But for the most part I've just used a bicycle that I've borrowed from Noland, the owner of Santitham who is still over in the States. My most used Thai expression is mai, or mai cab, which means no cab. It's saved me a lot of money and hassle.
As we entered the insane flow of traffic, I noticed there were many traffic-lights and signs but almost all are ignored, as is the right of way at intersections and oncoming traffic. Thais don't give two shits about driving on the wrong side of the road. Despite all this, I have yet to see one traffic accident in the two weeks I've been here. Incredible.
About halfway to Santitham, towards the middle of Chiang Mai, is a square section of city called Old Town; about two miles long on each side and surrounded by a dilapidated brick wall and a murky-ass moat which were built some 600 years ago to keep the Burmese out. I would spend much of my time in Chiang Mai hanging out within this walled square, not counting my excursions outside of the city.
Back to the traffic. I have no idea where all these people were going, but there weren't nothing gonna stop em. There's about 1.6 million people residing in Chiang Mai, and about 1.5 million of them are driving at all times, day or night. And back to the scooters, I mean Christ on a scooter I can't get over them! I've seen maybe three helmets since I've been here, and some of these people drive their entire families around on one scooter; we're talking three or four heads deep! And apparently the only function of the traffic police in this country is to distribute wheel-boots to whoever parks in front of a temple or 7-11, of which there are thousands of both, but I'll get to that in a later post.
After an eye-opening and nostril-soiling drive to my guest house, which is in a very un-touristy part of town, of which I am thankful, Berm and I unpacked my bags and headed inside. More about my Santitham and the rest of my first days in Chiang Mai next post.
On a side-note, I know I've posted very little about my time in Chiang Mai, but Berm just came to my house to inform me that his monk friend from Wat Doi Suthep, the mountainside monastery, would be coming down into town tomorrow to pick up some cement, and that I would be joining him on his trip back to begin my first english lesson. I should be up there at least a couple of days, so I'll try and finish as many posts tonight as possible. Kinda nervous about the solitude, but at least I'll fuckin learn how to levitate!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Scathed in Chiang Mai
Chiang Mai. Finally. Flying in I couldn't see much of the city or surrounding countryside, as I had to look over this douche-bag who didn't even look out the window, he just kept writing shit in his Bible. What I did see looked to be rolling orange groves and rice-fields, and it kind of reminded me of the hills of California. Touching down at Chiang Mai Int., I was so goddamn relieved to be stepping off my last plane-ride, at least for awhile. Everything had gone very smoothly up until this point, but I had to know that I wouldn't make it through four flights completely unscathed, and this is where I got scathed. Forgetting that I had purchased a separate, domestic flight out of Bangkok, I mistakenly went to the international baggage claim and waited like an asshole till the very last suitcase had been picked up and the carousel stopped moving; not-so-subtley voicing my frustration at airport personnel and thinking out loud that my bags were still in Seoul or Atlanta or fucking Djibouti for all I knew. Luckily I wasn't the only one who seemed to be missing luggage, so me and my fellow idiots wandered around looking for our village when finally some airport staff, laughing at us from the sidelines I'm sure, came over and checked our papers and told us we were at the wrong claim.
On my way over to domestic, which was on the complete opposite end of the airport, I passed a bald little Thai with tattoos on his skull wearing a wife-beater, sweating to meet the man and holding a jasmine necklace and a sign that said, "Welcome Scott!" Already feeling the lag, I of course walked right past him about ten steps when it hit me. I turned around and yelled, "BERM!! (which is pronounced Bum)", but he had already turned around to follow me, being informed of how tall I was. We shook hands and exchanged a few shaky phrases in both English and Thai, and he led me to where he had been waiting for the past 45 minutes and my luggage. We grabbed my bags and wheeled them out to the scorching humidity of the parking lot. After loading up his brand-new Honda hatchback we took off for Santitham (pronounced Santy-tam) Guest House.
Coming up next: Chiang Mai traffic. It deserves it's very own blog.
On my way over to domestic, which was on the complete opposite end of the airport, I passed a bald little Thai with tattoos on his skull wearing a wife-beater, sweating to meet the man and holding a jasmine necklace and a sign that said, "Welcome Scott!" Already feeling the lag, I of course walked right past him about ten steps when it hit me. I turned around and yelled, "BERM!! (which is pronounced Bum)", but he had already turned around to follow me, being informed of how tall I was. We shook hands and exchanged a few shaky phrases in both English and Thai, and he led me to where he had been waiting for the past 45 minutes and my luggage. We grabbed my bags and wheeled them out to the scorching humidity of the parking lot. After loading up his brand-new Honda hatchback we took off for Santitham (pronounced Santy-tam) Guest House.
Coming up next: Chiang Mai traffic. It deserves it's very own blog.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
My Abbrieviated Stay in Bangkok
Welcome to “Land of Smiles”
That’s what the sign said passing through customs at SuvarnabhumI International Airport in Bangkok, and yes I meant to exclude the word “the”. I haven’t found it to be that so much; not just yet. More like “land of indifference“, or “land of how to make a quick buck.” Unless the sign meant “Land of People Smiling at some huge inside joke directed towards farang (which is basically the Thai word for Caucasian, though it also means mango. I‘ve heard a lot of farang eating farang jokes, some directed at me)”. Granted I’ve only been here less than a few hours, and I’ve only spoken to a handful of people, but every one of them has said something to me in Thai, knowing full well that I don’t understand them, and then had a chuckle to themselves or shared with a buddy. I find it pretty amusing myself.
Recalling all the horror stories about Thai law-enforcement and their massive campaign against drug traffickers, I assumed customs would be a nightmare, especially if I looked as uncouth and bedraggled as I felt. Uh-uh. They only checked one mother-fuckin bag! I couldn’t believe it. It lasted all of 3 minutes or so, including the line to get through. Amazing. While standing in the queue, wearing my Big Sky Coffee shirt that I acquired from Jules and Peter Nesmith (I’m sure she wants it back), I was surprised to hear a very familiar and friendly Southern drawl speak up behind me, “Oh my Gawd! You’re from Athens?!! I’m from Russell!” Russell, Georgia I presumed. I turned around and found a tall, dreaded Georgia girl gawking back at me. I corrected her, and told her that, “No, I’m actually from Gainesville.” “Oh my Gawd, Gainesville, Georgia?!? My mom’s from Gainesville.” I again corrected her mistake, but it was still such a small-world sensation running into somebody like that at the airport in Bangkok, as she probably wouldn’t have said anything to me had I not been wearing that shirt.
The airport in Bangkok is not that large, although the ceilings reach up into the friggin heavens. Since I was going to be spending the next 7 or so hours here, I figured I might as well find a suitable nesting spot and make myself comfortable. On the way to the departure area I was harangued by several tuk-tuk drivers insisting that I allow them to take me to a hotel of their choosing. I told them that I was spending the night at the airport, and of course they thought that was a horrible idea. They were probably right, but I anticipated all manner of cluster-fucks had I decided to rent a room for the night. I could even see a large hotel, called Novotel, about a half-mile away outside the airport entrance, but knowing my luck and ability to sleep in, I didn’t want to chance it.
After making my way through the cut-throat cab drivers, I passed small food-court area. I decided to grab a bite before settling down for the next several hours, and though I was tempted to try some of the Thai food, I didn’t want my first Thai meal from the Bangkok airport. So, locating the most Western looking restaurant, I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with fries and a coke. Not the most delectable GC in the world, in fact I’m sure Cecil could make a better one, but the fries were tolerable and the coke helped it go down easier.
Found a comfortable bench next to an Asian man on his way to Kiev. We kept each other company through the limited communication we could muster. It was bright as all get out in that airport, so it was difficult falling asleep. Woke up around 6 a.m. to go get my final plane ticket, and after securing my bags I went and brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom near my gate. The flight up to Chiang Mai was a cinch after all that I’d already been through, but once again no window seat so I wasn’t able to see any of the city as we descended, except that there was a huge mountain overlooking the entire town, called Doi Suthep as I was soon to find out.
Getting rained on right now, so I’m going to make a dash for home, but as soon as I get there I’ll post some shit about my first days in Chiang Mai. Finally.
That’s what the sign said passing through customs at SuvarnabhumI International Airport in Bangkok, and yes I meant to exclude the word “the”. I haven’t found it to be that so much; not just yet. More like “land of indifference“, or “land of how to make a quick buck.” Unless the sign meant “Land of People Smiling at some huge inside joke directed towards farang (which is basically the Thai word for Caucasian, though it also means mango. I‘ve heard a lot of farang eating farang jokes, some directed at me)”. Granted I’ve only been here less than a few hours, and I’ve only spoken to a handful of people, but every one of them has said something to me in Thai, knowing full well that I don’t understand them, and then had a chuckle to themselves or shared with a buddy. I find it pretty amusing myself.
Recalling all the horror stories about Thai law-enforcement and their massive campaign against drug traffickers, I assumed customs would be a nightmare, especially if I looked as uncouth and bedraggled as I felt. Uh-uh. They only checked one mother-fuckin bag! I couldn’t believe it. It lasted all of 3 minutes or so, including the line to get through. Amazing. While standing in the queue, wearing my Big Sky Coffee shirt that I acquired from Jules and Peter Nesmith (I’m sure she wants it back), I was surprised to hear a very familiar and friendly Southern drawl speak up behind me, “Oh my Gawd! You’re from Athens?!! I’m from Russell!” Russell, Georgia I presumed. I turned around and found a tall, dreaded Georgia girl gawking back at me. I corrected her, and told her that, “No, I’m actually from Gainesville.” “Oh my Gawd, Gainesville, Georgia?!? My mom’s from Gainesville.” I again corrected her mistake, but it was still such a small-world sensation running into somebody like that at the airport in Bangkok, as she probably wouldn’t have said anything to me had I not been wearing that shirt.
The airport in Bangkok is not that large, although the ceilings reach up into the friggin heavens. Since I was going to be spending the next 7 or so hours here, I figured I might as well find a suitable nesting spot and make myself comfortable. On the way to the departure area I was harangued by several tuk-tuk drivers insisting that I allow them to take me to a hotel of their choosing. I told them that I was spending the night at the airport, and of course they thought that was a horrible idea. They were probably right, but I anticipated all manner of cluster-fucks had I decided to rent a room for the night. I could even see a large hotel, called Novotel, about a half-mile away outside the airport entrance, but knowing my luck and ability to sleep in, I didn’t want to chance it.
After making my way through the cut-throat cab drivers, I passed small food-court area. I decided to grab a bite before settling down for the next several hours, and though I was tempted to try some of the Thai food, I didn’t want my first Thai meal from the Bangkok airport. So, locating the most Western looking restaurant, I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with fries and a coke. Not the most delectable GC in the world, in fact I’m sure Cecil could make a better one, but the fries were tolerable and the coke helped it go down easier.
Found a comfortable bench next to an Asian man on his way to Kiev. We kept each other company through the limited communication we could muster. It was bright as all get out in that airport, so it was difficult falling asleep. Woke up around 6 a.m. to go get my final plane ticket, and after securing my bags I went and brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom near my gate. The flight up to Chiang Mai was a cinch after all that I’d already been through, but once again no window seat so I wasn’t able to see any of the city as we descended, except that there was a huge mountain overlooking the entire town, called Doi Suthep as I was soon to find out.
Getting rained on right now, so I’m going to make a dash for home, but as soon as I get there I’ll post some shit about my first days in Chiang Mai. Finally.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Sorry
I know I haven't posted a damn thing about Thailand yet, but check out my bike-ride through the streets of Chiang Mai on Facebook. More to come...
Seoul Shock
Let me just say that flying on Korean Airlines is an institution. If my whole trip consisted of flying KA around the world and ending up right back where I started, then it would have been well worth it. The jet was huge, like the Titanic with wings and a stronger hull, and the service was exquisite. Korean versions of Heidi Klum dressed as a stewardess and minus the annoying banter, patrolled the aisles awaiting my beckon-call, and though there were some several hundred passengers, it seemed like they were all there exclusively for yours truly. And they all smelled really good, too.
I thought I'd get some much needed sleep on this 15+ hour flight, but I probably slept less than an hour the whole way. Every seat had a tv on the back of it, with an endless selection of movies, video games, and a GPS system that let me track what part of the stratosphere I was in. I watched Iron Man (twice), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Stupid-Ass Monkey Scene, and oddly enough The Graduate. After gorging myself on movies and and Tetris, I went and explored the rest of the Enterprise, including the second floor.
I've been exceedingly lucky when it comes to who I've had to sit next to on the few flights that I've been on, and this trip was no exception. The lady I sat next to on my flight to Seoul did not utter one word the entire 15+ hours, even when I offered her a Spree. She did offer me a stick of gum during our descent, but again, silence. She didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. It was kinda unnerving.
My flight left Atlanta at around 1:30 in the afternoon on Tuesday, and we landed in Seoul sometime after noon on Wednesday. I've tried to figure out the time difference several times, and it boggles the mind. Anyhow, we descended into South Korea amidst a dense, foggy afternoon sky, so I couldn't make out much of the country-side, and my stoic co-passenger had the window seat with the shade drawn the whole time, so sight-seeing was futile.
My first impressions of Asia were completely odoriferous. It just smelled completely different from America, the whole Korean airport and even now at my base in Chiang Mai. Sort of a sour odor that I can't really compare to any other I've experienced. But I'm sure I'll get used to it. Beyond that, my time in Seoul was pretty uneventful up until boarding my Bangkok flight three and a half hours later. Customs was a breeze, and after that I pretty much wandered around, dragging my lower-jaw on the ground, gawking at all the Koreans. After finding my departure gate, I once again searched for a secluded bench to ease my back-pack onto for a little shut-eye.
There is nothing I've ever experienced more disconcerting than waking up from a 1 hour power nap in an airport in Seoul, South Korea. Before I even opened my eyes, the chaotic Korean speak that had been plagueing my dreams threw me for such a loop and caused me to sit up with such acceleration that the crackers resting on my tummy flew off and struck a Pakistani man sitting next to me. My panic was well-founded though, as I realized that my flight was boarding without me. Alls well that ends well, as I found my way safely onto the plane for the final leg of my journey.
I thought I'd get some much needed sleep on this 15+ hour flight, but I probably slept less than an hour the whole way. Every seat had a tv on the back of it, with an endless selection of movies, video games, and a GPS system that let me track what part of the stratosphere I was in. I watched Iron Man (twice), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Stupid-Ass Monkey Scene, and oddly enough The Graduate. After gorging myself on movies and and Tetris, I went and explored the rest of the Enterprise, including the second floor.
I've been exceedingly lucky when it comes to who I've had to sit next to on the few flights that I've been on, and this trip was no exception. The lady I sat next to on my flight to Seoul did not utter one word the entire 15+ hours, even when I offered her a Spree. She did offer me a stick of gum during our descent, but again, silence. She didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. It was kinda unnerving.
My flight left Atlanta at around 1:30 in the afternoon on Tuesday, and we landed in Seoul sometime after noon on Wednesday. I've tried to figure out the time difference several times, and it boggles the mind. Anyhow, we descended into South Korea amidst a dense, foggy afternoon sky, so I couldn't make out much of the country-side, and my stoic co-passenger had the window seat with the shade drawn the whole time, so sight-seeing was futile.
My first impressions of Asia were completely odoriferous. It just smelled completely different from America, the whole Korean airport and even now at my base in Chiang Mai. Sort of a sour odor that I can't really compare to any other I've experienced. But I'm sure I'll get used to it. Beyond that, my time in Seoul was pretty uneventful up until boarding my Bangkok flight three and a half hours later. Customs was a breeze, and after that I pretty much wandered around, dragging my lower-jaw on the ground, gawking at all the Koreans. After finding my departure gate, I once again searched for a secluded bench to ease my back-pack onto for a little shut-eye.
There is nothing I've ever experienced more disconcerting than waking up from a 1 hour power nap in an airport in Seoul, South Korea. Before I even opened my eyes, the chaotic Korean speak that had been plagueing my dreams threw me for such a loop and caused me to sit up with such acceleration that the crackers resting on my tummy flew off and struck a Pakistani man sitting next to me. My panic was well-founded though, as I realized that my flight was boarding without me. Alls well that ends well, as I found my way safely onto the plane for the final leg of my journey.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Cobra Juice and Jumbo Jets in Atlanta
Arrived in Atlanta around 8:30 in the a.m. Immediately headed for my departure gate, even though I had 5 hours to kill before heading for Seoul, in order to get some prime napping bench. Fell asleep to heated talks of the looming financial bailout on CNN, as the news was just breaking. Couldn't sleep too much, as I kept thinking of my oncoming 15 hour flight, mistakenly thinking I would get much of my sleep on the plane. Got restless, so I headed to the bar (TGI Friday's, the best ATL INT had to offer) for a couple of Bloody Mary's with some friendly Pakistani's. Made sure not to make the mistake of leaving my bags unattended, as I did in the very same airport in 2006. We are on Orange Alert, of course. Y'all wouldn't believe the swarm of airport personnel surrounding my backpack after returning from the bathroom two years ago. On the way back from the bar I passed a display of items not allowed through customs, coming from some of the very countries I was on my way to visit. Items included Burmese Bear tear ducts (considered to have high medicinal value, these tear ducts are obtained from the wholesale harvesting of Burmese Bears, much like American pigs) and fermented cobra juice, literally whole cobras soaking in a tequila-colored liquid contained in large bottles.
Back at my gate-post, I tried to get comfortable again amidst more news of international and domestic turmoil. Couldn't wait to get the flight underway and overwith. Was finally starting to fall asleep in my chair with my back to the window, when I was awakened by several dozen people or so frantically flashing their cameras at something behind me, and jibber-jabbering in several different languages. Dazed and confused, I turned around expecting to see the Hindenberg falling in flames. But it turned out to be my ride pulling in to port. The plane was fucking massive. Hopefully, I'll have some pics up soon, but the shit had two stories! The wheels were as wide as that Chrysler Concord boat I used to drive around. I couldn't wait to board, and my usual pre-flight jitters were assuaged, knowing that I'd be flying in the Korean equivalent of Airforce One, I mean nothing short of Everest was gonna bring this sucker down. When the boarding annoucement finally came, I of course decided to make two final phone calls, including one to my mom which almost caused me to miss the flight altogther. But after one final free phone call, I was finally on my way off this island. Next stop: Seoul.
Back at my gate-post, I tried to get comfortable again amidst more news of international and domestic turmoil. Couldn't wait to get the flight underway and overwith. Was finally starting to fall asleep in my chair with my back to the window, when I was awakened by several dozen people or so frantically flashing their cameras at something behind me, and jibber-jabbering in several different languages. Dazed and confused, I turned around expecting to see the Hindenberg falling in flames. But it turned out to be my ride pulling in to port. The plane was fucking massive. Hopefully, I'll have some pics up soon, but the shit had two stories! The wheels were as wide as that Chrysler Concord boat I used to drive around. I couldn't wait to board, and my usual pre-flight jitters were assuaged, knowing that I'd be flying in the Korean equivalent of Airforce One, I mean nothing short of Everest was gonna bring this sucker down. When the boarding annoucement finally came, I of course decided to make two final phone calls, including one to my mom which almost caused me to miss the flight altogther. But after one final free phone call, I was finally on my way off this island. Next stop: Seoul.
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